This is the fourth in a five-part series from the Sara’s Secret and Condoms to Go Exclusive Event on August 21st entitled “Flirting & Foreplay”. Each week I will dive deep into specific subtopics for more detailed information and resources.
3 Ways to Determine Interest
- Discover Think vs Feel
- This or That?
- Use Words with Touch
Have you ever heard that questions denote interest? This week we talk about how to connect with someone based on the way they use language (do they use the word think or the word feel?), how to phrase a great question and anchoring your words with touch. There are some great NLP techniques that will help you once you begin. The main thing to keep in mind is to create a connection by speaking, mirroring body language and using anchors with a word or phrase. Ready to learn more?
Discover Think vs Feel
You can find out a lot about a person just from a simple conversation when you pay attention to how they speak. The left brain talks from a “think” perspective and the right brain talks from a “feel” perspective.
There are two strategies when it comes to discovering think vs feel:
#1 – Ask questions leading with either think or feel:
How do you feel about living together before marriage?
What do you think about dating before divorce?
What did you feel like when she broke up with you?
Do you think it’s ok to date several people at one time?
Based on the answers, if the person you are speaking with uses the think or feel words, then you will know where they pull information from in their brain. The left side is logical, analytical and structured. The right side is creative, visual and fluid.
#2 – Listen very closely to the words used in conversation
It usually becomes apparent pretty quickly if it is a think or a feel situation. To create a connection in this way, begin to use the same or similar words that are being spoken.
For greater impact, you can also repeat the phrase before you continue:
Your Question: How do you feel about living together before marriage?
Their Answer: I think living together before marriage is fine however there are certain expectations that need to be established first.
Your Reply: So, you think living together is okay. Does this make you feel comfortable?
Their Reply: I’m okay with living together. There are lots of things to work out so that each partner understands what is involved and can think through the process.
Obviously with this dialogue, they operate from a THINK standpoint. By altering your language to speak to their left brain creates a connection.
Ask This or That Questions
I have found that the easier the conversation flows, the faster the connection is created. When I was dating, I did lots of experiments both on how people spoke and how they listened. It was important to me to establish a balance in the conversation and if the conversation became apparently stagnant (meaning the other person wasn’t asking any questions) then it was clear there was no interest and was not something I wanted to pursue. There is an art to conversation: the way the questions are phrased, if there is a balance between who is asking the questions and who is answering and how fluid the conversation is.
If you are stuck in an awkward situation or the conversation has become stagnant,
you can always use the “this or that” strategy:
Do you like ice cream or cake?
Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?
Did you feel relieved or sad after your divorce?
Obviously, there are a variety of topics you can refer to and this is a great way to keep the conversation going without that horrible pause that can become uncomfortable.
Use Words with Touch
This is probably one of my favorite techniques because it is simple and subtle. You’ve determined that the person you are talking to operates from the “thinking” left brain. You are interested in continuing the conversation and want to take it a step further. Now you will begin to anchor your words with touch. This is a simple NLP technique which has the potential to be quite powerful. You’ve already determined that his HOT spot is when he played soccer in college – he lights up, gets animated and excited when talking about it.
Follow this example:
You: “I can see how excited you get when you talk about soccer. That must have made you feel like you could conquer the world!” This phrase becomes your “anchor”. Touch him gently on the hand while you are saying it.
Him: “Why yes – it was a great time when I felt free and happy and, as a matter of fact, I did feel like I could conquer the world.” When you hear “conquer the world” – again touch him gently on the hand in the same spot as before.
You: I understand how conquering the world feels (again touch him on the hand). Are there other times in your life when you have felt this way?
As you can see, as the conversation progresses, you have created an anchor with the phrase “conquer the world” and the spot on his hand. As you get ready to part for the evening, you might touch his hand and say, “When you are ready to conquer the world together, give me a call. It would be exciting to see you again.” More than likely, you have just created a connection that was simple, easy and almost guaranteed way to get to know him better!
Just for fun, check out these articles on Communication & Dating:
Up next week: #5 Seal the Deal
No deal is complete until you close it. It’s best to determine up front whether you are willing to go all the way or if you are just polishing your approach. Be cautious of getting caught up in the moment and plan ahead.
See you here next week or at an upcoming event. If you have an event topic you would like to share, please let us know!
Anticipating Next Time,
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